Tad's Mix Tape

I have mentioned in that YouTube profile thing how Tad and I are similar. I forgot one. I really like to create soundtracks of my life. I don't put quite as much thought into the ones I pick for myself as I put into the ones I pick for Tad. But now that I'm hopping into Tad's life for a few hours a day, I've been building soundtracks for his life and leaving my own life alone. Technically, that started back when I was creating him. Way back during the application process. Before I knew him very well yet. I have several Tad-centric playlists now.

I'll share a couple (non-country) songs I've recently added with you.

The most recent song I've added is a case/lang/veirs song called "Atomic Number". My interpretation of the song is that it's about purity being spoiled. Innocence or virtue being perverted into something obscene. Almost like we are punished for being untainted. Untainted by what? Who knows. Whatever. Each other? If we're talking chemistry, it's both each other (other elements) and life's circumstances (Bunsen burner, freezer, etc).

Tad is much more innocent than he seems. But he's volatile and reactive. Is he actually dangerous? Maybe when mixed with the wrong elements or circumstances. He has been in the past.

The second most recent song added is Ane Brun's "All We Want Is Love." All three of Tad's goals for LS have been love-based. Find his mom. Make new friends. Be a country music singer (presumably to be good enough at it to be loved for it). I had to drive him back to that first drop spot every time I wanted to log off so he could sleep by the tree where the letter was from his mother, heartbroken that the love could not be found there. Only anger. Sorrow. Resentment. It's why he changed the drop spot for Tessa, whose love is a new goal for him.

Only, he can't allow their friendship to grow. Because he doesn't feel that he's worthy of love. He knew what would happen if he didn't find help for his insomnia. His increasing anxiety was a symptom he chose to ignore. A little self-sabotage.

Right now, he's "trying" really hard to focus on the more healthy and in-person friendships with Saini and her group. But boy does he get distracted when he sees that Tessa is texting.