Bad Tad :(

Tad had a great time with Saini today. Woke up a bit tonight to write a bit (about an old pickup truck...really trying to embrace the country lyrics) and ended up getting a text from Tessa.

The last "contact" Tad had with Tessa was with her voicemail. He didn't actually expect a response. It was a last ditch effort to mend things. So he wasn't really surprised by the denial.

He was, however, slightly taken aback by the open hostility to the phrase, "Be safe." He understands people are never safe in Los Santos and Tessa is certainly no exception to that rule, but he hasn't quite figured out that it might also be taken as a threat. Yes, I, the roleplayer, am well aware that it can be. It took me a full two minutes to craft that two word response that could be said out of genuine care or as a threat. But Tad just doesn't want Tessa to get hurt.

This is just the way I'm trying to prolong the thought that Tad might actually be a threat. I think, at one point, he actually was. But right now? He's just trying to work out the best way to move forward. I would like him to see a few more consequences for not taking care of himself as soon as he realized something was wrong. He won't contact her again unless she contacts him again. She has placed a boundary. He can't allow himself to cross it now that he's gone to sleep for the night. Crossing boundaries is something he does when he's broken. He needs to think of himself as fixed. So I had to make sure that their last "conversation" had him either being unintentionally threatening OR woefully unaware of how bad it sounds to tell someone you're making feel unsafe to be safe. Tad says it himself. He's stupid.

We have talked a lot about "evil" Tad and "good" Tad. I put the scare quotes because neither side is evil or good. Just one side doesn't care what anyone thinks and the other cares a LOT. They currently don't exist. He's fully back to one Tad right now. He's both good and evil, I suppose. Doesn't mean he's entirely sane, but he's much better than he is when he's not sleeping right. What we haven't talked about is the duality of Tessa.

Tad saw a lot of good in Tessa, even when she was saying she was not a good person. But his eyes are opening a bit now that he's had rest. He can see the bad in her. And he wonders how he didn't see it before. He didn't listen when she told him who she is. He only listened to half of it. But still, I think he'd still be willing to take the bad with the good. He still likes her. He still wants to be her friend. He can't help it. But he doesn't understand that he needs be much more patient. Like he was with the real Doe.

I think everyone hoping that Mary comes out for Tad--and I know you're out there--might be a bit disappointed. I don't think Tad would do anything to trigger Mary. If anything, Mary and Tad would be triggered to kill by the same kinds of things. Mary would just be better at it. That said, not sure. I have not seen a lot of Mary when I was a viewer. Mary could rip him apart tomorrow. Who knows?

I don't know who else Tessa may have told. Maybe nobody. Maybe everybody. Tad is nervous that he's in danger because of something he did when he couldn't control what he was doing very well. But he was always taught to take accountability for his actions, so he's preparing himself for whatever punishment he might receive. He doesn't know what to expect. In Tad's eyes, all he did wrong was write some unhinged creepy texts and ask the wrong person for help.

Oops.