Not Yet

Today Tad met Fae (sp?) while doing sani with Saini, learned all about the Tuner Shop with Ethan (and briefly met Hugh). He started off the day feeling pretty physically crappy and confused about what happened the night before. But by the end of the run, he was just sleepy. Which mostly meant I was hungry. So I went away and made some food.

He woke up to tow, hoping that maybe Jo would be around. AND SHE WAS.

But.

I don't know that therapy went very well for him today. He's been through a lot in the past 2.5 weeks. He's barely told her any of it. He spent the whole session wondering what he should be talking about (not the deal with Saini as he doesn't actually feel conflicted or confused about that since he already talked about it with Saini) and if she actually had the context for what he mentioned (have they actually had an in-depth conversation about what kinds of directives he needs to break and how that may essentially turn him into a different person...similar to brainwashing?). It felt like a first therapy session all over again. He trusts Jo, for the most part. He questions her judgment in her private life, but he believes she has good intentions and understands some of his problems well. But he almost wishes he wouldn't have mentioned the new outfit he found in his closet recently. Because she seemed to get hung up on Smiley.

What he really needs help with right now is compulsions. There are two sorts of compulsions he's dealing with. First, the compulsions to do things: run his circuit, run tow, call or text Jo, contact Ken, call Ember from an unknown number to try to make sure she's not doing anything bad (which he currently can't remember he's done, despite not being in the pig outfit the time he actually got through). Then there are the compulsions not to do things, which are worse. Don't even look at your texts with CR or Sneaky to potentially remind yourself or something awful will happen. Don't advertise your new probationary position at a mechanic shop on the Lemon List or something bad will happen. Don't order food from someone you haven't ordered food from before or you'll probably die. 

But. They barely talked about those today. Because Tad was all over the place trying to catch her up to speed. 

The outfit has nothing to do with the Smiley's, by the way. It's all Tad trying to work some shit out during the times he remembers and is lucid. But she is right that it would work for the Smiley's. It's a bit of a misdirect on my part. But her reaction...successfully made Tad believe he's been brainwashed by Ken. At least tonight. He has not been. How do I know? Because mrwest16 and I would be discussing that it's happening in our DM's. Including how well it works. 

I had Tad go to sleep right after. I think I'm going to have to make a couple rolls when I wake him up next (possibly tomorrow, but more likely Tuesday). One roll will be for whether or not he believes he's been brainwashed. If the answer is yes, he needs to roll for whether or not he confronts Ken with that accusation, as Tad and Ken have had several conversations about when Ken would even consider doing that (Tad would have to ask). But maybe Tad just doesn't remember asking. 

All this, of course, could mean nothing. Ken appears to be trying to be friends with Tad. Which could be real or could be manipulation. Tad assumes manipulation already. If Ken weren't a psychopath who doesn't care one way or another whether or not Tad thinks the friendship is real, I might actually feel bad for him.

And since some of y'all probably only care about Tessa: Ken and Tad have talked about her. Ken does not appear to be interested in contacting her or messing with her at the moment. He's moved on. Tad still feels more loyalty to Tessa than anyone else, which is complicated by the fact that he normally can't remember who the heck she is. The loyalty he feels for her is two-fold. He was already loyal when they were just penpals. He recognized her as a kindred spirit outside of his programming. Like what he is inside is similar to what she is inside. And though, on the outside, she does not have the patience to deal with him at the moment (or potentially ever) she is still a kindred spirit. That doesn't change. The loyalty was challenged when he discovered and divulged to her that she was his handler. She chose not to use that power over him. 

Tad will not hurt Tessa unless it's in self defense. Tad will actively watch out for the people he knows Tessa cares about and warn them if he sees danger coming their way (and he can actually remember). There is no doubt in my mind that Tad's head injuries and blackout last night were intentional. He needed to be able to warn Sneaky. But he had to remember him first.

I'm surprised he actually lived after some of the jumps I had him take. I'm glad he did. Made it so much easier that he never had to go to the hospital for them.

Just wish I would have recorded them. Sorry about that. I also tried to stream something today and OBS wouldn't connect to my Twitch again, so I need to figure that out. I hate technology. Just give me two sticks to rub together over some dry grass instead. Today's videos will be combined into one and posted probably tomorrow evening (my time?). Depends on when I get the final video started on upload. I haven't decided if I'm going to try to catch the Twitter-anticipated Chatterbox (ft Ray Mond) opener or not tomorrow. I just don't know what's going on in his streams anymore other than mimes and ICU. Heh. I'll probably skip it since I'll be at work anyway. Hope y'all enjoy and your favorite character, [insert name here], isn't dead forever!