Last Night Was...A Lot

Tad had a rough night. He's been having rough nights, but last night was especially rough.

In RP, conflict is important. So allowing Tad to spiral and make bad and dangerous decisions even though I know they're bad and dangerous is important. Tad's brand of bad decisions aren't necessarily fun to watch. Constant texting can feel like stalking, especially when the texts sometimes say things like "I saw you." And even more especially when it becomes clear that you're the focus of what seems to be a pretty big anxiety spiral. So even though he wasn't actively stalking Tessa's location (he will be rolling for it every session now), it most certainly should have felt like he was to her. I'm not sure if he'll keep changing the subject when she comes up in conversation though. Maybe he'll let it ride now to get more info, since she's not being forthcoming.

Stalking and allowing anxiety to go unchecked are both bad ideas in real life.  I can say this as someone who has been stalked (both cyber and in person). I can also say this as a real person who has pointed an anxiety spiral right at someone (not a stranger) before. I've been on both sides of this particular coin.

But this is RP. They are characters. Everything is heightened here. For the drama. That's what we want. I am telling Tad, who is a character I play in a soap opera set in the ultra-violent and dangerous-yet-silly world of GTA V, that it's time to start stalking another character, Tessa, who is played by Nakkida. We, as roleplayers, have discussed our boundaries with this RP out of character. We both know to check in if it gets to be too much to handle as the roleplayer. I don't know about her, but I really really want it to be too much for our characters.

If the RP is too much for you, though, please step away when you need to. Protect yourself. No shame in that.

Tad has had a few more self-destructive breakdowns that I've had to cut from my videos because I can't watch them right away. Can you spot the missing parts of yesterday's RP session in the video? There are the normal nothing-is-happening or just-doing-chores cuts, but there are three pretty big ones as well. The hallucination picnic, Tad giving control to his id, and Tad's id twisting the knife in his own emotional gut by filling in some gaps for Tessa before he headed to bed. Playing Tad sometimes requires me to protect myself a little afterwards. And last night, that meant skipping some stuff in the editing process. But eventually he'll get through this and he'll just be a happy little guy with a questionable mustache. Right?

I do want to roleplay today, but I might need to take a break from Tad. I haven't decided yet. I have another sillier character just waiting for me to play him. I'll see how I feel later.