Forgetting

Some damage is settling into Tad's brain after sleeping last night. The most noticeable and concerning is what he has forgotten. Or who. 

His only memory of Sneaky is giving him money outside the food court one day. He didn't know his name then. He was skele-clown.

He remembers Twinkles, in that he's seen Twinkles around quite a bit. He doesn't remember why he would have had cause to save Twinkles in his phone.

He remembers who Chatterbox is. He remembers giving him the 2-across. He doesn't remember the threats. He called a number advertising CHATTERBOX FUNHOUSE today from a pay phone, recognized the voice on the other end, pretended he was dying as he hung up, and made sure he was labeled as Chatterbox in his phone. Tad has no idea why this matters. It was a compulsion.

He remembers he has a handler. He does not remember her name. If someone says her name, he will find it familiar and may even connect her to his handler if he thinks about it long enough. He doesn't know what she looks like. He doesn't remember any of their conversations. He doesn't know who CR is in his phone. The only thing that he will remember of her is her voice. He'll know she was his handler. He'll know she know longer is. He may not think she needs that information from him unless she asks for it. Currently though? He's just paranoid that anyone he sees could be his handler about to make an order.

The only clown he really remembers interacting with is Kirk. Because he was looking for his mom. 

Right now, he thinks Sneaky was acting as a messenger. Because that's what Sneaky said back in text. But Tad knows he's trying to break down his directives. He knows that there is damage that comes from that. He's currently scared to try to jog any memories of things he's clearly forgotten in case that might break him more. 

The next time he meets Tessa, it will be his first time meeting her. But it'll be like she's speaking with the stolen voice of someone he can't quite remember. 

He's also hallucinating a lot more. He's spent his life hallucinating though. And they're not traumatic hallucinations like seeing his dad or grandma or Lucas or Doe or Bertha. Not at the moment. They're fairly easy for him to ignore. There's also the not feeling pain.